Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Stop stoping

Salam and hello everyone.

Sitting here on my 'bed' - my travelling mat and typing this. My comforting moment would be when I Imagine or for real sitting comfortably in a couch, my hair tied up into a bun and the fringe decorate my forehead, touches the frame of my spectacle. With my favorite book cupped in my hands. I feel geeky and cute already :P Accompanied by a mug of hot chocolate. Very winter-ish. I enjoy letting my thoughts have their own way for a while, let my imagination running wild.When I do this recently, with no book in my hands, just lie down staring at the wall, a thought came to me that what's really stopping you from doing something is you yourself. 

Take me for example. Last two weeks I have given a chance to be an emcee for a grand award giving ceremony. As I mentioned in previous post, I have been longing to be the emcee for the ceremony since I attended the last year award giving ceremony. So this year, it's like a dream comes true. I got the offer. But at first I hesitant (can you believe that?). I've been wanting it for so long and I hesitated. Annoying much. Reason being, it's far too late (not sure for what). I got the offer 4 days before the event day. I even said to a friend that I readily to give up the offer because it is far too late to... be prepared I guess. And plus I don't have appropriate dress to wear. So yeah I guess, 4 days is not enough for me to find the right dress. Pfft. Diva much. Hahaha. But yeah, because I have another event in the same week, so I have to be at the grand hall for rehearsal. So no time for me to search for the right dress. Yeah, I have to be there all the time and no time to go anywhere because I am too dedicated (read with sarcasm)...lol. In short, I'm still thinking about the offer but I'm ready to give up. I really have that problem of wanting something so much and in the end, when I can get that thing, I give it up. Problem much. Much much.

But then, I talked this over with my sweetheart. He said that not to worry about the dress and he said that I have that thing in me, being an emcee. And yes I normally doubted myself. He reminds me that I wanted this so much since last year and don't let this petty things get in a way or I will regret for giving it up. He said, we will find time to find the right dress for the ceremony. And we did. And my mom & dad drive all the way from Subang to deliver her gold skirt for me to wear for the ceremony. My sayang also mentioned, don't be afraid of screwing things up (not badly) just normal mistake for a first timer like me and don't be hard on yourself if screws happens...Haha. Kind of first time for me for emceeing big event like this in university. I used to be emcee at high school for quite a number of events; Teacher's Day and that sorts. In the end, I take up the offer. And so there was I on Friday evening at the grand hall, again, for rehearsal. So I met my emcee partner and I started to feel inferior. I saw him last year and he was good. He has this big afro hair and I think that's an extra feature to appear more charismatic and firendly.I don't really have 'extra feature' and I am so thin I'm afraid that they might confuse me with a mic stand during the ceremony...lol. Exegerate much. I get nervous during the rehearsal, tongue tied so people keep asking me to relax. But they are making me more nervous. :S

So that night, I freaked out a little. Okay, I cried over the phone with my sayang and yeah I was sad because of something else too. I wanted to follow my parents to Australia for my sister graduation. So I cried. And I think the shawl doesn't match with the skirt. I feel inferior because I'm not good as my emcee partner. So I'm afraid I ruined the ceremony. Worries much. In my own Malay term I called this as 'serabut' which literally means messy but for me it means there's a lot of things that I'm thinking of and then I worry too much. Sayang said calm down, and I'm thinking too much. If my emcee partner is good then get advice or tips from him how to be a good emcee and observe him, learn from him. And so, I took the advice but still worried a little. So Saturday comes; day, rehearsal, night, the ceremony commence. And Alhamdulillah I did pretty well - I give myself 3 out of 5 stars. Some said that I did pretty well as a first timer :3. And my shawl suits the skirt and I did not end up wearing all black with gold shawl. I did my own make-up, fyi :3 In the end, interesting experience, dreams come true, not give up the thing that I wanted so much. Self enrichment. It really boost my confidence to try new things.

To point out, whatever my sweetheart says to me; don't give up, don't let challenges bring you down and all that sort is something that I know, something that I can think of. Maybe all  I need is some sort of reassurance and support so that I won't stop myself from doing what I really long to do and this is what I want and I must work for it and it is not impossible. I think that's a function of the ones you love. They support, advice, motivate and even scold you to make it a better person, to help you to achieve your dream. So here I would like once again to thank all individuals that giving me support and especially to my sayang. HOW on earth you can be soooo optimistic? It's annoying sometimes. If it wasn't for you I might be sitting there at the dinner table still wishing that I am the one emceeing the ceremony. So thank you and love you :)

So this is me last year just taking pictures with the emcee, and on the right is me emceeing with him.
Dream come true ey?

This is my chubby, supportive, optimistic sweetheart 

I put your picture in my blog so BE PROUD now... hahaha

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