Hahaha... The last time i wrote a post was mid-last year. But i do write a few more, it's just that i didn't post it. It was some heart-pouring thing where common sense are nowhere to be seen. Hahaha. But I'm okay now. Well at least for NOW. I hope i'm going to be okay for the rest of the year. So here I am indulging in my passion again. Typing, writing, posting or whatever :).
Second of all I would like to wish everyone a Happy 2017~!!! It's not too late yet compared to when i post last year X'D So this year i am better because it is only March so yeay me! Of course my new year's resolution is to write as much as possible (like every other year's resolution) but this time I am aiming for once a month post. So i can sum up what happen during the month and my blog is not dead and i can make myself happy by writing my blog again. It's been a good 7 years having this blog and i don't want it to go to nothing. It is a commitment that i made and i enjoy it and i love it still and it has a special place in my heart. I couldn't careless if not many people read it (is there any people read blog nowadays?) as long as i can write. There! Haha.
I've been thinking about plan writing this post and a few post for a long time now. But that remains that. It's just in my head. I was busy with work or something else. Or maybe it's just really i don't set a time to do it (plan failure alert!). I'm half blaming social media for this...Hahaha. Because I was so distracted by it and I couldn't help myself checking it frequently and didn't really do what I wish/plan to do because half of my time im on social media and other half is eat, sleep, work, shower and all that. Am I addicted to it? Probably just minor XD but the fact that i can't have control over my emotion after i'm browsing it just so disappointing.
I am mostly active on Twitter and Instagram and I always felt disturbed after scrolling down Twitter because sometimes it's just too negative for me because people are hating on each other, bashing people for a small thing and people make a joke out of something serious and vice versa (this is particularly for Malaysian Twitter community though I think anywhere else are just as same) and gosh people looovveeee, just loooovvveee, big capital L Loveee to give their opinion on things. Some are just "experts" on everything and must give opinion on everything and their misplaced sarcasm on issues. Well please save 'em for something that needs your sarcasm. You are not being cool being sarcastic all the time. Sometimes it's just annoying. Geez.
And as for Instagram, I always felt overwhelmed after i scroll through. You know they say that it is all filtered and not as happy as they seem on it. But i didn't see the unhappy part so i can't lie to my brain. And not that im not happy seeing other people happy but i can't help compared myself to them and feel that you are not successful enough, rich enough or even CREATIVE enough or in summary you try to count your blessing but still wanting more. So that made me unhappy and even demotivated. I got distracted at work and constantly think I was not meant for this job, i don't like it and i was meant to be some artist painting on abstract piece for postcards and greetings card. Which I haven't done any of those because all this while i only scrolling for ideas but never really DID it.
So i logged out from both twitter and instagram. Just for a while because i feel that i feel demotivated at work because of all these and yes sadly i can't control how i react to them. Some people just can scroll through and without having any impact on their life (that's my elder sister). So by logging out i hope that i can focus on my current work (though in time i would like to work on something else) and do what i really want to do or love to do. If i still cant do that then maybe that is because of something else. Right now it is quite evident because i have more time to blog and spring clean my room. But i'm still on facebook but i think facebook it not as impactful or distrcting as twitter and ig for me. At least it is varied (in some way...hahaha). OMG! I feel old when i said that XD.
I hope i can logged out as long as I possibly can. It's been only three or four days but it feels like forever. Until I learn how to deal with it, i think im better off without it so that i can focus on my work and my study. Oh the fidgety feeling i got when i always wants to check it. I caught myself wanting to check my phone every 2 minutes (see that's why i can't focus) and always reached out for my phone. My hands are just on auto-pilot. Just when i logged out twitter i feel that i'll be missing out on the news because my news source is that but i can just google it so no worries. Hahaha. I still youtubed though. Is youtube a social media? Can be distracting but no overwhelmed feelings. So okay... XD
Without my main social media I hope that i can blog more, do art more or at least planning for it (I'm still learning how to plan things in life) because life before this is as smooth AF. I really and consciously feel that I have come to that challenging age where i really learn a lot and reflect back on myself and just might change me, change how behave and how i do things, appreciate people and just to embrace life with an open heart and mind. InsyaAllah.
This very moment of typing this makes me so happy and it is satisfying feeling of accomplishment.
I hope and wish and pray I can do more of this.
Best Regards,
F.
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