Being normal

Kenapa saya perlu gila-gila jaga hati orang lain bila orang lain tak buat yang sama pada saya?
Itu saya.

Mungkin saya tak nak lukakan hati mereka sebab saya nak mereka senantiasa berada bersama saya
Mungkin saya sunyi

But who am I kidding?
Saya sendiri

Ada masa saya akan buat silap as in hurt other people's feeling. Saya manusia biasa
Kalau tidak takkan wujud perkataan maaf, ampun, sorry, forgive, apologise

From now on, I'll say what I want to say, I'll react how I want to, I let my feelings show, I don't want to lie anymore
If I did something wrong I'll say I'm sorry.

That easy? What the hell?
Hmmm... yeah. After all we make mistake as well, we also have to say sorry to each other, kan?

Saya tak nak ungkit apa yang anda buat pada saya...
Ada satu buku ni cakap, that is the dumbest thing to do. Macam, no matter how much money you pay, you won't be able to get masa-masa indah/buruk(untuk dibetulkan) yang dah berlalu... Let it be. Move foward

Kamu tahu? Saya belajar listening skill(kinda) just, just so that saya boleh dengar masalah kawan saya and in return I hope she/he will find me VERY UNDERSTANDING and stay with me. Like I've mentioned just now, mungkin saya sunyi. But dont berharap sangat from people, diorang tak perfect, diorang lupa, diorang sometimes tak nampak. So buatlah segalanya lillahitaala. Kerana Dia nampak, Dia tahu, Dia ingat. Hope for Allah's blessing. My mistake I guess. Terlalu berharap kepada orang lain

Fyi, cerita kat atas tu cerita lama. Ni bukan ungkit, ni pengajaran saya dapat untuk share. Bukan tak boleh percaya/berharap pada orang, boleh. But sometimes kan, not too much. We dont know what is going to happen. Balik pada cerita ungkit-mengungkit tadi. Ada satu situation di mana saya marah gila dengan kawan-kawan saya and I think I should be. So everytime they contact me I gave them cold reply. Memang tiada maaf bagimu la. And I hope that they apologise to me. Well, they did as far as I can remember but naahh.. my heart said 'pegi mati la lu'. Then as time passed, marah saya masih ada lagi. I can't let it go you know. I feel cheated, hatred filled my heart, anger rest in my body. You know what, saya tak tenang, lagi rasa sunyi. Then one day(it didnt just happen ok, I reflect back on what had happen, and berdoa agar diberi penyelesaian.) I decided to forgive them. And the feeling is heaven:)

Saya mengambil keputusan untuk buang jauh-jauh perasan benci ni dan yang tinggal ialah hati yang tenang. Takde lagi ungkit-ungkit. Saya cuma berhati-hati je lain kali dan tidak terlalu mengharap. I believe what Allah decided on me. Even if it is that bad, just gonna tell myself, 'ada hikmah disebalik semua ni', 'ni yang terbaik', 'think positive' etcetc it's not easy but I gotta try. And I got to change my attitude as well. I'm not sure what but maybe be more open minded something like that and there's other things that I can't write here. When I decide to forgive them is not that something that I can or can't do, it is something I wan't or don't want to. Macam orang kata di mana ada kemahuan di situ ada jalan.

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