Saying it

Sometimes it is best not to say I love you to someone you love because it never measure up to how you really love that person. It more than just words typed in your message or said that pleasing the ears, it is even more than the feeling that is supposed to entails. The person being said to never really feel the same 'love' that you are feeling. He/she would probably just reply 'i love you too' because that they are supposed to do.

At this point you don't even want the reply because it is NOT the same. It is the love that you do not want to tell because it is just for you to know how you really really truly love the person and pray to God that 'i really love that person more than words can ever describe. Take care of him/her for me.' Therefore, it is sincere.

love,
F.

Howdy Do?

Heeeeyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy there :) Hugs and kisses. I miss this. Long time no?

I HAVE to do this. I have to write, I have to blog. I feel my writing skill has gone really bad. It's hard for me to construct a proper sentence. I've mentioned this before right? I feel that the words are clogged inside my head and my fingers freeze when I wanted to write them because it's HARD~!!! Anyways here's to a new start. Hopefully I'll be consistent. Lol. Hmmm... So what's up?

I have finally graduated after 5 struggling years in Uni. Yeay me :) What? Wait... Struggling ke? Hahaha... Yes of course! But it was fun though. Although I have experienced a little bit of bitterness every now and then, it was normal peeps. Life is full of ups and downs right? Now I am currently looking for jobs. Hope that I get lucky ;)

So both of my younger sister and brother has all grown up. One is taller than me but me don't care that much because I am tall (enough). I still somehow maintained my weight though. Still underweight. 5 years and still in my 40s. I think I can hardly do anything about it. My brother, I expect him to be taller than me and I'm not surprised if it is in a few months. He is currently in Perlis, memorizing the holy Quran at one of tahfiz schools there. He feels that our education system is not challenging enough and hence, he seeks adventure there. My younger sister is going to continue her study in Uni soon. Awww... My younger siblings are all grown up and I want to cry now. May Allah ease their journey obtaining knowledge. My one and only older sister is currently working in KL in a development company. It's everything that she wants from a company. Lucky her!

So my parents are awesome as always. Getting older but still blessed with good health and happy marriage. Alhamdulillah :) And... they keep asking me to find work. Hahaha. It's not that I'm not finding one. But really slowly. Hey I went to career fair, if that wasn't good enough. I want to stay at home for a longer time since I was so busy with exams, assignment and event during the sem break. So yeah... I'm here mom and dad, if you need me! After this Im going out again ;) So better use me while I'm available ;P

Me and Khairul, we are boring and awesome as always. We are currently, if you may, in a long distance relationship (Subang Jaya - Cyberjaya) ;P. Got to see each other at least once a week or whenever we wanted to. Lol. He's currently doing his fyp and since I'm still looking for jobs, weekdays are still available for meet up. Miss seeing him everyday though. Friends are great. Some of them already landed a job. We still contact through Whatsapp but catch up sesh is kinda hard and only during weekends. But we gonna see each other during convocation sooonn :)

So that's about it for now. I know it's waaaayyyy to late but I would like to wish Muslims around the world happy Eid ul Fitri. May Allah bless us always.

Last but not least, I would like to pat myself on the back for typing this whole new post. :) More are coming insyaAllah.

Love,
F.

Star Gazing

I was sitting alone,
in the bus
Looking outside the window
Star gazing
Tracing 'em, connect 'em
Of shining dots, to create meaning
Then you came
Not to be bothered by stars
But tracing still
The lines of my foot
To give meaning
Understood and then we lost
And let the star gaze

Stop stoping

Salam and hello everyone.

Sitting here on my 'bed' - my travelling mat and typing this. My comforting moment would be when I Imagine or for real sitting comfortably in a couch, my hair tied up into a bun and the fringe decorate my forehead, touches the frame of my spectacle. With my favorite book cupped in my hands. I feel geeky and cute already :P Accompanied by a mug of hot chocolate. Very winter-ish. I enjoy letting my thoughts have their own way for a while, let my imagination running wild.When I do this recently, with no book in my hands, just lie down staring at the wall, a thought came to me that what's really stopping you from doing something is you yourself. 

Take me for example. Last two weeks I have given a chance to be an emcee for a grand award giving ceremony. As I mentioned in previous post, I have been longing to be the emcee for the ceremony since I attended the last year award giving ceremony. So this year, it's like a dream comes true. I got the offer. But at first I hesitant (can you believe that?). I've been wanting it for so long and I hesitated. Annoying much. Reason being, it's far too late (not sure for what). I got the offer 4 days before the event day. I even said to a friend that I readily to give up the offer because it is far too late to... be prepared I guess. And plus I don't have appropriate dress to wear. So yeah I guess, 4 days is not enough for me to find the right dress. Pfft. Diva much. Hahaha. But yeah, because I have another event in the same week, so I have to be at the grand hall for rehearsal. So no time for me to search for the right dress. Yeah, I have to be there all the time and no time to go anywhere because I am too dedicated (read with sarcasm)...lol. In short, I'm still thinking about the offer but I'm ready to give up. I really have that problem of wanting something so much and in the end, when I can get that thing, I give it up. Problem much. Much much.

But then, I talked this over with my sweetheart. He said that not to worry about the dress and he said that I have that thing in me, being an emcee. And yes I normally doubted myself. He reminds me that I wanted this so much since last year and don't let this petty things get in a way or I will regret for giving it up. He said, we will find time to find the right dress for the ceremony. And we did. And my mom & dad drive all the way from Subang to deliver her gold skirt for me to wear for the ceremony. My sayang also mentioned, don't be afraid of screwing things up (not badly) just normal mistake for a first timer like me and don't be hard on yourself if screws happens...Haha. Kind of first time for me for emceeing big event like this in university. I used to be emcee at high school for quite a number of events; Teacher's Day and that sorts. In the end, I take up the offer. And so there was I on Friday evening at the grand hall, again, for rehearsal. So I met my emcee partner and I started to feel inferior. I saw him last year and he was good. He has this big afro hair and I think that's an extra feature to appear more charismatic and firendly.I don't really have 'extra feature' and I am so thin I'm afraid that they might confuse me with a mic stand during the ceremony...lol. Exegerate much. I get nervous during the rehearsal, tongue tied so people keep asking me to relax. But they are making me more nervous. :S

So that night, I freaked out a little. Okay, I cried over the phone with my sayang and yeah I was sad because of something else too. I wanted to follow my parents to Australia for my sister graduation. So I cried. And I think the shawl doesn't match with the skirt. I feel inferior because I'm not good as my emcee partner. So I'm afraid I ruined the ceremony. Worries much. In my own Malay term I called this as 'serabut' which literally means messy but for me it means there's a lot of things that I'm thinking of and then I worry too much. Sayang said calm down, and I'm thinking too much. If my emcee partner is good then get advice or tips from him how to be a good emcee and observe him, learn from him. And so, I took the advice but still worried a little. So Saturday comes; day, rehearsal, night, the ceremony commence. And Alhamdulillah I did pretty well - I give myself 3 out of 5 stars. Some said that I did pretty well as a first timer :3. And my shawl suits the skirt and I did not end up wearing all black with gold shawl. I did my own make-up, fyi :3 In the end, interesting experience, dreams come true, not give up the thing that I wanted so much. Self enrichment. It really boost my confidence to try new things.

To point out, whatever my sweetheart says to me; don't give up, don't let challenges bring you down and all that sort is something that I know, something that I can think of. Maybe all  I need is some sort of reassurance and support so that I won't stop myself from doing what I really long to do and this is what I want and I must work for it and it is not impossible. I think that's a function of the ones you love. They support, advice, motivate and even scold you to make it a better person, to help you to achieve your dream. So here I would like once again to thank all individuals that giving me support and especially to my sayang. HOW on earth you can be soooo optimistic? It's annoying sometimes. If it wasn't for you I might be sitting there at the dinner table still wishing that I am the one emceeing the ceremony. So thank you and love you :)

So this is me last year just taking pictures with the emcee, and on the right is me emceeing with him.

Dream come true ey?

This is my chubby, supportive, optimistic sweetheart 

I put your picture in my blog so BE PROUD now... hahaha

A friend: Kita nak tunjuk dia punya profile. Tapi kan awak... Dia takde la hensem tau.

Cinta tak kenal rupa. I know that is true. Be proud of your love ones. Even though dia tak berapa cantik/kacak/slim/tinggi/buff.You sure had fall for something that has more value than that :) Fret not dearies.

Say My Name

Awww... So sweet sayang. Main game pun teringat saya ^.^

In discovery of myself,

I found love...

Regards,

Farhana  <| : ) 

Your birthday special

To you,

I just want you to know that you already steal my heart, so give it back!!! No... Let me rephrase that. You must know that I care so much about you. Even if nothing happen between us we still have a friendship to cherish.

                                                                                                                                                   Love,

Farhana

Berlatarbelakangkan lagu Joe Brooks, Holes Inside, I'm here, Farhana want to make a confession.

I like that guy :) He's agreeable, I'm comfortable being around him, caring, older than me... ahhh. What's with all these reasons. I just like him. I do. A lot. 

Kalau ada, ada lah. Kalau takde takpe.

Love,

Farhana

If you can see how myself 

   light up just now

If you can see the shine

   in my eyes

If you know why I just

   wanted to stay for

        a while

Then I am

BUSTED!!!

     =.=

I hate this feelings

Balance

I'm quite aware that I am head over heels right now (heee). I'm also sure that everyone around me notice this as well. It's easy to tell because they come up with this remark "Amboi, bahagia dia sekarang" or "Untungla dah ada boyfriend" or "Untungla boyfriend dekat". So yeah, I'm very happy...hee :) It's nothing like I ever felt before (here's your bucket) hahahah :D. Apart from that, there is also complaint "sekarang tak nak lepak dengan kitorang dah" or "asyik berkepit je ngan bf" etcetc. Hmmm...macam mana nak explain ye kawan2... Saya admit that recently I mean lepas in relationship saya macam kurang keluar dengan kawan2 especially awak, Salis. Saya mintak maaf banyak2 kalau awak touching dengan saya. Fana tahu kita dah kurang keluar makan sama2 dah sekarang. Mungkin saya tengah ciwi lagi kot sekarang. Selalu orang kata apa "baru dapat kan". Hahaha. I have to admit la mesti kita nak keluar ngan special one kalau you get the chance kan. Kalau boleh tiap masa nak dengan dia... betul tak? (Here's your second bucket and yang ada bf/gf tu sila mengaku. thnx). So you guys, actually saya tengah cuba try balance kan masa saya spend with friends, family, special one. I really do. Kadang tu rasa bersalah jugak la bila turn down kawan punya invitation. Ampun2. And please do give me sometime to work this out (macam susah sangat je kan). Susah jugak la sebenanya sebab kalau tak handle betul2 akan timbul masalah 'touching mouching' ni...hoho. Karang kena tinggal sorang2...Haaa, waktu tu baru nak terkapai-kapai. Padan muka diri sendiri. Yela, apa2 pun family and friends come first rite? So guys, I will try my hard to spend time ample with you guys okay :) 

Love,

Farhana 

I can't tell the exact moment I fall for you because I fall for you every time. :)

Definitely not everything

But he is definitely something

Sayang <3

p/s: Adoi.. sumpah blushing giler ni. Dulu gelakkan orang lagi sekarang sendiri buat. Padan muka. 

Anyway sayang if you see this I just want to say that I love you. (ok blushing lagi)

Ya Rabb,


I pray that this man that I love will lead me to taqwa...


Amin~

Selamat Hari Jadi

Tipu la kan tarikh tu. Mesti la saya tak post ni on my birthday. Why? Because at that time I was busy preparing  for closing ceremony for an event.(Event tu kita cite kat post lain ;D) So yeah.. being 20... Rasa errmmm dewasa tapi tak juga. Rasa macam lingkungan teenagers lagi... OMG..I'm 20~!! Can you believe that? Alhamdulillah, Tuhan panjangkan umur saya hingga kini. Semoga dengan umur yang ada ni, akan saya gunakan untuk mendekatkan diri kepadaNya dan cuba sehabis baik memperbanyak amal soleh. InsyaAllah amin~.

Kepada February babies: Happy Birthday to you guys as well. May Allah bless you always. Jadi, apa yang saya dapat pada hari jadi saya:

1) A 'lecture' from someone (not mama and abah) at 12.30 am. I'm not kidding people.
2) Phone call from loved one
3) Birthday wishes from more loved ones
4) Muffins from Salis. Thank you dear. Sarangheo =)
5) Adik2 from SMV (ERT) Azizah sang the birthday song for me :')
6) Cake. Share with other 2 Feb babes. So sweet la korang.
7) Birthday bash (tepung+telur+minyak panas). Haha =.= (nanti kita cerita next post)
8) And... a special someone.

That's the summary what happen around my birthday. Kalau nak cite sume apa jadi waktu birthday tu nanti bosan pulak korang sebab banyak cerita protokol jer... Hahah. Mesti tak faham kan? Ok ignore yang tu. Bila dah dewasa ni saya akan cuba lah to act like one. Dan kalau saya ada buat salah silap kat mana2 boleh la tolong tegurkan. Kadang-kadang silap sendiri ni kita tak nampak ye tak?

Ok bye2 people. Thank you for the wishes.

Love,
The twenty-er. (Lolz)

 I jUSt HATe beIng the LAMp post, The thIRD wHeel, thE MiddLEperSon

:'(

P/S: This just a typical normal emotional roller coaster ride that a girl experience once in a month. Tambah sikit: single girls (or is it just me) Yeah... so you can ignore it and don't ask question about it. 

about me (II)

I'm that type of person who loves my own space (literally and figuratively). That's one of the reason for me being single and I'm okay with it. :) It's my choice. So yeah...

When someone leave footsteps and the rolling waves won't wash it, just keep in mind other people footstep's will :)

Inspiration: Bagan Lalang

Found a male version of me

He's a heart breaker

And so am I?

Sorry if I am :/

I can feel the whole incident repeating,

When my thoughts are full with you in it,

But I also constantly wondering if yours are full with me,

It's repeating again; dejavu, never fond of it

Except this time I can see it coming,

and I know how to handle this feeling,

or maybe I don't

Maybe I don't

Because 'you' is a different person now,

So I guess that makes thing a little bit different,

Unexpected,

However, I'm just taking all of this,

Just, just for the sake of experience,

Hope that genuine, the most precious

feeling of mine,

Stay true to only who deserves it

Love,
Farhana

Nak tulis ke tak nak?

Ok la.. tulis la sikit. Cuti first sem haritu is the best holiday ever setelah sekian lama. Ceh ceh~ But betul la. Cuti SPM pun tak sebest macam ni. :) As usual two weeks holiday. First week duduk rumah je, seperti biasa buat house chores yang tak pernah sudah. But I have something funny and interesting to watch. It is a series, "Mind Your Language". It's about this teacher, Mr Brown, teaching English to the foreigners but there's always something happen to him and his class. It's so damn funny and somewhat beneficial. I learned new words and proverbs from the show. Ouh, yeah it's an old series actually. Cerita ni waktu my mom form 1. Nevertheless, I still enjoy it :)

Alright, here comes the 2nd week. Fun, fun, fun :D First and foremost (baru teringat semalam) I would like to thank Salis for really convincing me to join this event. It is the first time we join this event and I am sure both she and I are loving it already. The event is Sekolah@MMU and this time buat di Pantai Timur. Two schools: at Pahang and Terengganu. I got the chance untuk jadi fasilitati (fasilitator sebenanya... budak sekolah tu salah sebut :D) for this programme. This programme ada dua main activities: satu - macam kem kepimpinan la lebih kurang ada team building, explorace etcetc. and dua - ajar budak2 IT that is belajar macam mana guna photoshop. Saya pun tak hebat sangat la guna photoshop ni tapi jadi assistance je la.

So yeah, I'm in biro teknikal. Kerja angkat2 barang. Tapi pun takde la angkat barang sangat. Most of the time guys je yang buat kerja tu. Saya.. tolong book bus and buat checklist. And then this is the first time ada girl dalam biro teknikal.  AAwww... I feel honored. But I still feel saya tak menyumbang banyak mana pun dalam biro. But saya jugak yang mintak for this biro so apa2 pun untuk pengalaman. Aktiviti kat sekolah ok. I enjoyed myself jadi fasi. Dulu kita kena buli dengan fasi sekarang kita pulak jadi fasi. Karma! Tapi saya takde la jadi yang kerek tu. Buat budak tak suka je. Saya yang jenis happy-go-lucky, fun, sporting, comel  punya type. LOL. Suka masuk bakul angkat sendiri. In short, saya bukan jenis yang mean tu la. My group consist of 7 people. Fasi: me, Umar and Ihsan. Antara benda yang paling saya suka kat sana senaman pagi. Sebab boleh menari ramai2 macam dalam filem hindustan gitu. Heee~ suka :)

After event, makin tambah bilangan adik saya..haha. Adik angkat la... Tak biasa angkat2 ni tapi takpe lah new experience. Keluar dari sekolah tu makan kepok kat Teluk Ketapang dekat dengan airport katanya. Ada pantai kat situ. Tapi bukan yang untuk mandi-manda tu la. Ingatkan nak juga la amik gambar kat situ tapi tau2 hujan. So berlari-lari la kami ke bas. Pastu gerak ke Batu Buruk..kot. Yeah.. solat kat situ and then  lepak jap  lama; ada yang tengok bola, yang lain main teka2 lagu hindustan. Lepas tu dah boring2 tu pegi makan ais krim goreng ngan Salis and then ada mak cik bagi kitorg air kelapa free. And then gerak pulak pegi Kelutut  Kelulut. Makan/supper kat situ. Tepi pantai juga... Nice scenery. Bulan mengambang, nampak shadow dia dalam air. :) Macam dalam lukisan. Lepas tu naik bas, dan tido lagi. Paginya dah sampai kat Pahang. Tak ingat kat R&R mana. Yang pasti kat Pahang la. Mandi, breakfast (detailnya...)

Ok lepas tu gerak pegi Genting Sempah. Ada mcD. Lepak sana lama gila. Dari pagi sampai tengah hari. Sempat la semua charge phone. Bahagia gila! XD Anyways, lepas tu kitorg gerak pulak Sekolah Seri Bentong. Tunggu event yang kat sana habis lepas tu baru gerak pegi homestay. First2 sampai kat homestay tu mcm  "Oooo... shheeaatt!" Tau dah tak kan selesa kat sana. Tapi kena sesuaikan diri je la. Luckily I don't have my period at that time kalau tak renyah gila. Malam tu makan and main games. Esoknya pegi tengok gajah. Saya bagi makan gajah :D yeay. Teringat Dumbo. Weee~ Malam ada sesi karoake <-- betul ke ejaan ni? anyways, yeah, I nyanyi lagu hindustan. Koi Mil Gaya from Kuch kuch hota hai. Tapi tak best sgt la performance saya. Sebab tak fasih sgt lirik dia. Cewaahh ~~. And then main game lagi. Pastu ada birthday bash. Baling tepung, telur pastu goreng bday boy/girl tu.Pastu makan ramai2..sedap. KIDDING!!
Yea tapi ada la main2 baling tepung tu. Macam apa je kena tipu dengan pak cik yang jaga tempat tu. Kena masuk sungai pukul tiga pagi. What the fudge???? Esoknya balik tengah hari. Conclusionnya, ponteng 2 hari punya kelas. XD

In a nutshell (hahaha) seronok sangat. One of the best holidays I've ever had. :)

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