Chances

Salam & Hello,

There's moments during this infancy career life of mine that I feel a little bit devastated and disappointed and still feel lost. This due to a lot of reasons including external party and of course my dear self. Some of them even lose hope on us. I have come to a point that I feel so this is it? This is what working life is? And between what I expected when I first land the job and what I have experienced lately, it was not all fulfilling.

However, recently, my friends and I got the opportunity, chance to participate in an event. As some of you might know, events is my heartbeat. I would jump for it whenever I had the chance. So this time around, it wasn't the event that much that touched me, it was the opportunity given by someone to let us organize this event. To trust and give us space to grow and to prove ourselves that we can do it. To believe in us while we are in doubt about ourselves. That chance, that opportunity means a lot to me. It is the nurturing that we actually been longing for. May Allah bless her soul for helping us out, for giving us chance when everybody else punishes.

Congratulations! (Long post. You got time? Cool.)

I would like to congratulate myself on my Convocation recently. To mama and abah also. I made it finally! Alhamdulillah. After 5 years of hardship and ranting and ups and downs my university life has finally come to the end. *there's something in my eyes*. Well, it is always a mixed feeling. I am glad that I made it through but at the same time, I am still going to miss my student life. 5 years went so fast. As long as I can remember, I still have not done my tutorials properly. It's either I did it at the eleventh hour or I can never get it right. So much to do but so little time. I think that it was some sort of motto I live in during uni days. HAHAHA. Of course nobody else was to blame except for me. I get myself busy with co-curricular activities. Hence, the race against time. I also have this resolution of getting As for my subject and study as hard and as smart as I can so that I can improve my pointer when it comes to new semester. Yeap as you have guessed and I have guessed when it comes in the middle of the semester, I can only be thankful if I pass all the subjects at the end of the sem. Getting As would be a bonus. HAHAHA. I have my regrets but I am thankful for so much other things in my life.

My participation in co-curricular activities in one of the things that I am happy with. I always enjoy life outside classroom. Heeee. I remember my mom told me I don't want to do my homework at the age of 7 (if I'm not wrong) because I told her I am smart and I already know that. Well, I have to write my ABCs repeatedly when I already know my ABCs since I was 3. Make sense why I don't want to do my homework yes? But in Uni case, I told myself that I can only love and do Accounting that much and any extra work done would be pointless because I will still not be able to score more. Sometimes I want to beat myself so hard because I have limited myself. But anyhow, that was the decision I made. So I have to live with it. SO, back to co-curricular activities, Sekretariat Sekolah@MMU was my platform to get into all the event management things. I have learnt a lot from here - teamwork, friendship, relationship - you name it. Though I do not participate in it anymore, it is still dear to me. All the best to the legacy.

I wish all those who graduated best in career and life. And for my friends hope that we keep in touch and see you soon. InsyaAllah.

Love,
Farhana.

I just want to write everything but it's all kinda choppy. Gaahhhh.. Come back writing skills! I need ya.

Happy New Year!!!

Omg I just found myself a new year resolution. Write more in blog! That's it. I hope I can do it. My writing sucks nowadays. I think it is due to a lot of tweeting and facebooking. You only have to write short sentence. You don't have to think so much about the sentence structure.

So okay! All the best to me. May Allah ease and may my writing be beneficial to everyone that reads it insyaAllah.

Love,
Farhana :)

This is love

Ain't it? Oh if I can only hug this virtual thing tightly, I would. I miss blogging big time! I can feel my heart is blooming. It's like falling in love all over again :)

Yeayers!

Assalamualaikum and hey hey hey :)

Today is Sunday and tomorrow is Monday. Blerghhh... Have to go to work. But I don't have any pending work for the weekend.. Yeay! :) so as I mentioned I'm going to share with you some stories with you.

So recently, I mean last year I got A LOT of opportunities to be an emcee for events. I'm very very very very very very happy when emceeing. Dari dulu memang suka mengacara ni. I remembered when I was small, dekat Disney channel ada this show I can't remember the name but Azura jadi pengacara with 3 other people. I always love that show. So dulu ada buat video sendiri interview adik2 and kakak sendiri for that show kononnya. And I always love Majalah 3 at TV3. Memang pernah bercita-cita2 la untuk jd pengacara Majalah 3. Be it yang dekat studio or yang jalan2 cari content for the program. But that remains that for a while.

So as I mentioned, dekat sekolah pun pernah jadi pengacara for a few times. But lepas tu macam terkubur jap cita2 tu. Maybe sebab masuk you ambil accounting and then I have to struggle with it and the fact that I take up that course not on my own will but then again I don't know or I can't decide what I want to be so yeah... confusion. So last year emceeing for a few events was super awesome. It feels like dream came true. Memang rasa nervous before start event. But I enjoy every second of it. So enough with the talk, picture time~!!! :)

First and Grandest :) with experienced Rishi

Ihya' Ramadan Program organized by Ministry of Education Malaysia.
Credit to the photographer. No copyright infringement intended. 

Convofest '13 Opening Ceremony

Power Transition Ceremony (SRC)

Piala Tun Dr. Siti Hasmah 2014. With Im, the highschool mate :)

Takde gambar betul time emcee. T@MU's Take 7

Majlis Perhimpunan Agung Tahunan (MAPAT)/ AGM Sekretariat Sekolah@MMU
(both pictures)

And that ladies and gentlemen, my happy moments

No dreams are too big, no dreamers are too small. 

p/s: I am looking forward to be emcee for events. I'm enthusiastic and committed. If you want to see it for yourself, please do not hesitate to drop an email at farhana_262@yahoo.com.sg :) 

When it only amount to this

I don't really like having dispute with people. I don't like to pick up fight with anyone except Khairul. Hahaha. Joke. I don't like it  now more because it will hurt my jaw every time I think of the moment I get hurt with people's remarks or what they have done or not done to me. Yes, hurt my jaw. Rasa lenguh. Because I often clinch my teeth when I'm stress. Thinking of it making me stress and... woa wait! Im going in circle explaining... Never mind. IT's just HURT physically and mentally. Period.

What is more frustrating is that the urge want to stand up for myself or to hurt them back only amount to this: writing in blog which not that those people follow me or read my blog. Is there anyone still reading my blog? Haha. It's like I'm scolding my teddy bear and the only thing he do is keep smiling and all those yelling and screaming and explaining to him only gives me minimal satisfaction. Ouh how I love to scream out those foul words to them and hurt them back. But then again, I don't like having dispute with people. What would happen to my image if I responded like a mad person. No I don't like it either. And even if I would explain it in a well manner, things not going to be the same again. I'm afraid of jeopardizing relationship I guess. Hmmm... And the other thing that I usually did was told Khairul about it. I told him the exact words I'm going to said to the person I'm discontent with - if i'm ever going to tell.

So, I just can't really you know fight back. Maybe because I think the outcome will always be negative. If the outcome is positive would it be a waste not to response back. I did response. But very diplomatically.

So here it goes:

1) Please open your eyes and heart and know me better. ;) You'll be glad that I'm not the one that cares (to those kind of thing). I'm not kepoci. Seriously, I have a humongous number of things to do that makes me happy rather then search for stories to tell. The fact that I DON'T EVEN tell stories. I only joke around with you and it seems to me that you're the filler and I just play along, the killer, the puncher. Masih diplomatik. Haha. My policy is if people want to tell me anything I listen and JUST listen. If people don't want to share their stories, even if I know about it briefly, I won't force them to tell. It's their right to remain silence about it. Maybe before you point out flaws to other people, you can reflect your self first. Sometimes the root to the problem is you yourself :)

2) The previous sem is hard and challenging and I can assure you that I really have worked for it. For me the result is satisfying, more than I expected. Ouh if you could only share the fear with me. I know it's NOT A LOT well for you. Don't you feel like asking how is it for me? For me it's A LOT. A simple encouraging remarks would do. And I don't really ask for rewards. Things. If you want to give that really all up to you. I'm not asking. I only ask for meaningful support. That's it. I'm simple like that and you guys more than any other person knows that. Love you guys, nevertheless.

3) Please don't mind I'm not eating with you, accompany you every where, or not doing something with you. I'm like this. I move fast and independent. I don't want people to follow me and I can't stick to other people's schedule because I have a plan of my own. If you want me you then have to keep up. Well, that sounds harsh no? Let's just say that I have my own plan. Yes, I'm aware of the boyfriend issue. I would love each and every one of you to have your love ones nearby. And and and tell me if you don't want to see him everyday when he's just next door, okay? Apart from that, I will try do my best to spend time with you guys okay? ^.^v

And sadly, it only amount to this.

Regards,
Fana Ayam.

As-Sami'

Don't you just feel relief and reassured every time as you know there is As-Sami' - the Hearer of all.

When nobody wants to listen to you, you know there's always Him to listen to your every prayer and complains, your wish and basically everything. He always listen. Fret not my friends.

So pour your hearts out to Him. He will listen as Allah is As-Sami' and Al-Alim - the Knower of all. 

Regards,

Fana :)

And Alhamdulillah for the good that He bestowed me today. 

No pressure people

Assalamualaikum and hello :)

It's been a long time no? Happy Ramadan to all muslims :)  May this Ramadan bring barakah to all of you. Amin~

Yeah, so... how do I start? It's all in my head but it is kinda hard to put it in sentence. Actually I do have the sentence in my head - the main points. It's just the introduction part. We always have problem with introduction right? So, never mind, here we go. So recently I realized (just realized) that I have been under a lot of pressure. I have no time for 'trivia' stuff - the fact that they are essential part of me like blogging and doing art stuff. I have to keep up with my own schedule. I somehow have A LOT of things to do. I barely had time for myself. So I forgive myself for not having time doing the fun things because I 'don't have' time and I take 6 subjects for this semester so I have to keep up. Ironically, not very much 'things' can be settled on time. Since, time is insufficient for me. I think I have manage time well but it was not fruitful. I don't know. I'm not sure where it went wrong and I don't even want to know the reason - well, not yet, not now. So yeah that makes a part of my stress life.

Recently (also) I've disappointed because things doesn't turn out to my favor. I've been working for that 'thing' all my heart out - it makes to my top priority. It's definitely my passion, my stage. I believe I am the best thespian on stage and best player on the field. But, as I mentioned things didn't happen the way that I want it to be. I am disappointed, defeated. I know I'm the best (waaahhh... confident gitew) but just not my rezeqi I guess. Mungkin kena reflect diri sendiri balik. Confident tu penting tapi over-confident tu tak bagus. I tend to look down on poeple. Rasanya sebab buat kerje tak ikhlas kot. Niat tak betulkan... tu la jadinya. Sebab nak tunjukkan kat orang yang kita ni bagus. Everything is competition. Then, the EGO comes in. I kinda actually stop having fun to prove myself worthy. Aduh, stress -.-" Lupa pulak you can never satisfy people. And nothing is certain. So yeah, tersentak jap.. sentak ye bukan sentap. It's okay to expect something but if it doesn't turn out like how you want it to be DON'T DESPAIR. Because something better might awaits you. Lain kali jangan sombong dan takbur. Faham adik2? Buat kerja biar ikhlas dan haraplah ganjaram dari Allah dan bersangka baiklah selalu. So pengajaran for me I guess.

So, I kinda take everything slowly now. Tak nak tamak sangat. Hahaha... But I still need to rush things though but not too rush. I'll take my time appreciating small things that give me significant comforts. I really want to enjoy things that need to be done and I will. Kalau nampak saya stress cakap kat saya 'GO GET A LIFE!' pastu simbah air. Tapi kalau nak kena tumbuk buat la... hahah. Joking! But the simbah air part tu tak yah buat la.

So, yeah that's about it. Sorry ayat berterabur. Lama dah tak mengarang. Selalu tulis essay je for assignment. Nak buat ayat mudah pun tak reti dah. Huhu. Next post in sha Allah pasal kucing ^._.^ me love cat.

Until then, see ya in the next post.

Regards,
Farhana

Stop stoping

Salam and hello everyone.

Sitting here on my 'bed' - my travelling mat and typing this. My comforting moment would be when I Imagine or for real sitting comfortably in a couch, my hair tied up into a bun and the fringe decorate my forehead, touches the frame of my spectacle. With my favorite book cupped in my hands. I feel geeky and cute already :P Accompanied by a mug of hot chocolate. Very winter-ish. I enjoy letting my thoughts have their own way for a while, let my imagination running wild.When I do this recently, with no book in my hands, just lie down staring at the wall, a thought came to me that what's really stopping you from doing something is you yourself. 

Take me for example. Last two weeks I have given a chance to be an emcee for a grand award giving ceremony. As I mentioned in previous post, I have been longing to be the emcee for the ceremony since I attended the last year award giving ceremony. So this year, it's like a dream comes true. I got the offer. But at first I hesitant (can you believe that?). I've been wanting it for so long and I hesitated. Annoying much. Reason being, it's far too late (not sure for what). I got the offer 4 days before the event day. I even said to a friend that I readily to give up the offer because it is far too late to... be prepared I guess. And plus I don't have appropriate dress to wear. So yeah I guess, 4 days is not enough for me to find the right dress. Pfft. Diva much. Hahaha. But yeah, because I have another event in the same week, so I have to be at the grand hall for rehearsal. So no time for me to search for the right dress. Yeah, I have to be there all the time and no time to go anywhere because I am too dedicated (read with sarcasm)...lol. In short, I'm still thinking about the offer but I'm ready to give up. I really have that problem of wanting something so much and in the end, when I can get that thing, I give it up. Problem much. Much much.

But then, I talked this over with my sweetheart. He said that not to worry about the dress and he said that I have that thing in me, being an emcee. And yes I normally doubted myself. He reminds me that I wanted this so much since last year and don't let this petty things get in a way or I will regret for giving it up. He said, we will find time to find the right dress for the ceremony. And we did. And my mom & dad drive all the way from Subang to deliver her gold skirt for me to wear for the ceremony. My sayang also mentioned, don't be afraid of screwing things up (not badly) just normal mistake for a first timer like me and don't be hard on yourself if screws happens...Haha. Kind of first time for me for emceeing big event like this in university. I used to be emcee at high school for quite a number of events; Teacher's Day and that sorts. In the end, I take up the offer. And so there was I on Friday evening at the grand hall, again, for rehearsal. So I met my emcee partner and I started to feel inferior. I saw him last year and he was good. He has this big afro hair and I think that's an extra feature to appear more charismatic and firendly.I don't really have 'extra feature' and I am so thin I'm afraid that they might confuse me with a mic stand during the ceremony...lol. Exegerate much. I get nervous during the rehearsal, tongue tied so people keep asking me to relax. But they are making me more nervous. :S

So that night, I freaked out a little. Okay, I cried over the phone with my sayang and yeah I was sad because of something else too. I wanted to follow my parents to Australia for my sister graduation. So I cried. And I think the shawl doesn't match with the skirt. I feel inferior because I'm not good as my emcee partner. So I'm afraid I ruined the ceremony. Worries much. In my own Malay term I called this as 'serabut' which literally means messy but for me it means there's a lot of things that I'm thinking of and then I worry too much. Sayang said calm down, and I'm thinking too much. If my emcee partner is good then get advice or tips from him how to be a good emcee and observe him, learn from him. And so, I took the advice but still worried a little. So Saturday comes; day, rehearsal, night, the ceremony commence. And Alhamdulillah I did pretty well - I give myself 3 out of 5 stars. Some said that I did pretty well as a first timer :3. And my shawl suits the skirt and I did not end up wearing all black with gold shawl. I did my own make-up, fyi :3 In the end, interesting experience, dreams come true, not give up the thing that I wanted so much. Self enrichment. It really boost my confidence to try new things.

To point out, whatever my sweetheart says to me; don't give up, don't let challenges bring you down and all that sort is something that I know, something that I can think of. Maybe all  I need is some sort of reassurance and support so that I won't stop myself from doing what I really long to do and this is what I want and I must work for it and it is not impossible. I think that's a function of the ones you love. They support, advice, motivate and even scold you to make it a better person, to help you to achieve your dream. So here I would like once again to thank all individuals that giving me support and especially to my sayang. HOW on earth you can be soooo optimistic? It's annoying sometimes. If it wasn't for you I might be sitting there at the dinner table still wishing that I am the one emceeing the ceremony. So thank you and love you :)

So this is me last year just taking pictures with the emcee, and on the right is me emceeing with him.

Dream come true ey?

This is my chubby, supportive, optimistic sweetheart 

I put your picture in my blog so BE PROUD now... hahaha

Another piece of me

It is supposed to be from me... Nevertheless,

Assalamualaikum and hello again everyone. Yes, I'm here quite soon. Just want to share my masterpiece again. I'm suppose to study right now since I'm having test on Monday and there are loads of cases that I need to remember. So yeah, as usual, who on earth got the mood to study when the time is set right? Maybe there are people that need a specific time to study. But that don't work that well for me. As for me, when the time come I will work my ass of. Not very good though. What if the time comes when it is too late? Yikes!

Anyways, I think I need to take my shower. Hopefully the mood comes rolling down to me.

Here's my 'The Big Golden Cat'. Using soft pastel. Love it to the max.

Until the next post.

Regards,
addiction.

Burung hantu

Omputeh kata OWL.

Salam and hello everyone. Lama dah tak blogging... *tiup habuk. Now I'm back just to keep it updated. Yes, as you all know, well, maybe some of you don't, I am really into sketching/drawing/painting and anything to do with that la. So I have produce a few artworks. Mainly drawing of cartoons and of course I asked people around to get their feedback. Most of them say 'okay', 'cantik'. If you want to see my artwork you guys can check out my instagram: hannasaif. So yeah, day by day, i love it more and more. I have one sketch book (the old one) and new sketching notebook which on the cover I wrote 'Inspire' in my very own cursive writing :P I also save whatever idea that comes to my mind in my phone memo. I collected all the material/tools/medium (i don't know what is the correct term) whatever you called it, it is my dear,dear,dear colour pencils, oil pastels, soft pastels, coloured pens and markers and water colours :3 I love them to infinity and beyond. To relate to the title, I have drawn an owl with graduation hat on and i dubbed this owl as 'Intelligent Owl'. This drawing is dedicated to my soon graduating sister. Tahniah!!!! Congratulations!!!

It's not perfect but still lovable :3

Last week, I went to Malacca. It was a last minute plan. 5 of us. We had fun. I had the chance to go to Muzium Kesultanan Melaka. Yes, after 21 years live as Malaysian, I finally visit the museum. We did some shopping, food hunting and sight-seeing.  I bought pareo (long piece of cloth that you can tie into various fashion). Been wanting that for so long and finally got it. Yeay me~!! I didn't really wear it though. I use it as a blanket ;P

Yesterday, I got the chance to be the emcee for prestigious MMU Awards 2013. Yeay me again :3 I've been longed to be one since I attended the last year's ceremony. Thank you to individuals that giving me this opportunity and support to pursue my small ambition. Gracias~!!! I get some compliment and  good advice from my emcee partner, Rishi, abang2 teknikal, Encik Omar, my sayang and others. Not bad for a first timer ey? My gold skirt is my mom's. (Psstt, it's her wedding skirt). I am honored to wear it on my important day Mama~! Thank you.

Me and Rishi

And the gold skirt (suits the theme: black and gold. Me on the far left)

As much as I like to be in the spotlight, I also love working backstage. Dan impian tercapai juga when I became one of the stage management crew for MMU's own Puteri Gunung Ledang Musical organize by SAKTI. Not only that, since they are shorts of extras, they want me to be the extra for a few scenes. So, I get to be on the stage and all over it. Wee! I love the experience, the good and the bad of it, the acquaintance that I made. But I still don't get the chance to hold the walkie talkie. Next event perhaps, yes.

In short, dreams come true. Alhamdulillah :3 The awesomest week evah!

Until the next post. Take care :)

Regards,
F.