When it only amount to this

I don't really like having dispute with people. I don't like to pick up fight with anyone except Khairul. Hahaha. Joke. I don't like it  now more because it will hurt my jaw every time I think of the moment I get hurt with people's remarks or what they have done or not done to me. Yes, hurt my jaw. Rasa lenguh. Because I often clinch my teeth when I'm stress. Thinking of it making me stress and... woa wait! Im going in circle explaining... Never mind. IT's just HURT physically and mentally. Period.

What is more frustrating is that the urge want to stand up for myself or to hurt them back only amount to this: writing in blog which not that those people follow me or read my blog. Is there anyone still reading my blog? Haha. It's like I'm scolding my teddy bear and the only thing he do is keep smiling and all those yelling and screaming and explaining to him only gives me minimal satisfaction. Ouh how I love to scream out those foul words to them and hurt them back. But then again, I don't like having dispute with people. What would happen to my image if I responded like a mad person. No I don't like it either. And even if I would explain it in a well manner, things not going to be the same again. I'm afraid of jeopardizing relationship I guess. Hmmm... And the other thing that I usually did was told Khairul about it. I told him the exact words I'm going to said to the person I'm discontent with - if i'm ever going to tell.

So, I just can't really you know fight back. Maybe because I think the outcome will always be negative. If the outcome is positive would it be a waste not to response back. I did response. But very diplomatically.

So here it goes:

1) Please open your eyes and heart and know me better. ;) You'll be glad that I'm not the one that cares (to those kind of thing). I'm not kepoci. Seriously, I have a humongous number of things to do that makes me happy rather then search for stories to tell. The fact that I DON'T EVEN tell stories. I only joke around with you and it seems to me that you're the filler and I just play along, the killer, the puncher. Masih diplomatik. Haha. My policy is if people want to tell me anything I listen and JUST listen. If people don't want to share their stories, even if I know about it briefly, I won't force them to tell. It's their right to remain silence about it. Maybe before you point out flaws to other people, you can reflect your self first. Sometimes the root to the problem is you yourself :)

2) The previous sem is hard and challenging and I can assure you that I really have worked for it. For me the result is satisfying, more than I expected. Ouh if you could only share the fear with me. I know it's NOT A LOT well for you. Don't you feel like asking how is it for me? For me it's A LOT. A simple encouraging remarks would do. And I don't really ask for rewards. Things. If you want to give that really all up to you. I'm not asking. I only ask for meaningful support. That's it. I'm simple like that and you guys more than any other person knows that. Love you guys, nevertheless.

3) Please don't mind I'm not eating with you, accompany you every where, or not doing something with you. I'm like this. I move fast and independent. I don't want people to follow me and I can't stick to other people's schedule because I have a plan of my own. If you want me you then have to keep up. Well, that sounds harsh no? Let's just say that I have my own plan. Yes, I'm aware of the boyfriend issue. I would love each and every one of you to have your love ones nearby. And and and tell me if you don't want to see him everyday when he's just next door, okay? Apart from that, I will try do my best to spend time with you guys okay? ^.^v

And sadly, it only amount to this.

Regards,
Fana Ayam.