Gimme a break

I never feel stress like this before. No, it's not about study. It's just the end second week, what do you expect? I'm not really myself lately. I notice I grew  more quiet on the outside. But on the inside a series of thoughts bugging me, interrupting my tranquility. What kind of thoughts you might ask? The answer is BOYS and ROMANTIC RELATIONSHIP, this is sooooooo not me okay. I long for peace that I once had. I don't know how it started but the main thing is that this whole thing is overwhelming. A friend or two of mine suggest some of their guy friends to me just so I might, you know take them for 'consideration' . I find this somewhat funny. Yeah, it's okay for me and their guy friends to be acquainted, I don't mind at all. In fact, this will widen my 'bubble' of friends. But to further develop romantic relationship with one of them is all too abrupt. Get what I mean? You know it's like: I-get-to-know-you-because-my-friend-want-us-to-be-boyfriend-and-girlfriend. And if I ever rejected a guy, people hear this: IT'S MY WISH! Tell me something; you wouldn't be with a guy who you are not comfortable with right? You wouldn't be with a guy who doesn't steal your heart no?

They have a good intention, my friends and I know they are not suggesting me to straight away go out for a date or something like that. But really guys, I am not that desperate to have one. It's not like it is written on my forehead! Or it is? Anyway, I am not being feminist here. I know deep down inside, my heart is yearning for a guy to be there by my side, loves me with all his heart etcetc. I'm not denying that, I just feel it's not the time yet and I would love to find the guy myself. But I really do appreciate the help guys. Thank you but no thank you. It is normal you hear me whining about 'oh-how-sweet-to-have-a-bf-like-that' and things like that. It's not like I really want it. I do want it but not like really, really want it at that time. Get what I feel? And even though I seems like a 'loner' to you (in whatever way) I don't need to have a guy besides me to make me feel complete. Don't be sorry for me. In fact, I'm perfectly happy being alone sometimes but NOT that I want to be left out. I don't mind at all if walking back from class alone without a guy/girl with me, you know that kind of thing. In fact I am not all loner at all. I have you guys! My friendS.

So yeah. That's about it :D Thank you so much for hearing me out.