Besides Mok and Cit, there are
two more living things that very much alive in this room; me and Zab. I (we) can’t
sleep. I try to but my eyes won’t shut. Maybe I already had my ‘nap’ before
seven in the evening so that explains why I am awake at this hour. (Tak sedar
diri esok kelas pukul 8, later in the morning actually). But never mind I think
I’m going to use this time to... well, write! It is not the best time though.
Marina is sleeping. I can tell you she’s tired from her travel and annoyed
because of those entire hostel/house thingy. So, yeah I hope the noise that my
dancing fingers make does not bother her the least. And guess what people… I’m
also annoyed because there is no internet in our room. It’s like what..? 10 to
the power of 2 times and I was also annoyed of other things… So, HAPPY ANNOYING
DAY people. No, not you guys. It’s just not my day. Monday blues that what we
always called it. But my Mondays are not always blue. But yeah, yesterday it
was blue. Enough. So where was I? Here in my room can’t sleep, no internet,
feeling a bit down… Morning soon will greet me with its endless demands.
Sometimes it is really helpful when we can divide ourselves into 2 or 3
persons. Each does different tasks that need to be done. Taaddaaaa!! So that
you yourself will not feel tired and everything is settled. But that would be
really scary though… haha. Maybe some of you will think ‘what the hell is this
girl talking about la?? Never heard of time management before is it??’ and
PRIORATIZE. Big word there huh? Big meaning as well, at least right now, for
me. It is hitting me like a few times in the last 2 weeks. Painful. Especially
like when you don’t know to say ‘NO’. I’m kind of a yes-girl type. I say yes to
almost anything.
I hold post in 2 clubs you see. So it’s hard for me not to say
‘no’ because I feel that it is important for any individuals with such high
post to show their commitment towards any event (of the club) that take place.
At this point I’m always not sure which should come first. Often I readily to
put aside whatever that am I doing at that time (how important that work is) to
show my commitment. This is what I think: It’s a group work thing alright. So
everyone has to give their best. No excuses; not even something that is more
important. Let me repeat, that is what I believe and it applies to me only.
That last bit (something more important) is what I have to deal with. And often
it put me in conflict with myself and other people (myself is a little bit
because of other people… get it?) So yeah, I want to show my commitment so much
because like I said it’s a group thingy (one down, everything plummet) and you
hold a post (role model), I don’t want people to talk bad about me (my incompetency),
I like to be safe, it’s the only thing I think I’m good at (I cannot find
happiness in the ‘more important’ thing) and I’m not good at handling
criticism. Why am I not good at that? Because have this GREAT GREAT tendency to
take it personally. Most of the time I take it personally, honest. So… I had
laid out my reasons. What’s next? I’m still not sure about this whole
prioritizing issue. It is always there to mess up my mind. Not to mention I am
always-confuse-sort-of-person. Sigh… So yeah which one you think should come
first? Happiness or something that is more important? Given that both is
independent event. If I can show you a Venn diagram they would be in separate
circles (showed you dy). Really far apart. But anyhow, I got really some good advice and
support about this whole thing. Thank you so much. You know who you are J Okay Syaz, any
comments on this issue? I really like to hear from a future psychologist. J (But no rush la my
dear. I know your assignments are piling up). So, I think that’s all for this
time. I should really go to sleep now. Why I have a feeling that I’m not going
to class later? Haha…Ok I feel relieved. I already put it off my chest now. :’)
Advices are welcome.
Alrite peeps. Gotta keyboard-off
now. Nytes. Sweetdream.
Sincerely,
The mind and all its confusion.
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